This Is My Life

The snow is falling outside of my window right now, and I'm watching the flakes illuminate as they float peacefully past the streetlight. I wish life were that easy: a careless free fall before softly landing in, simply, the place I'm supposed to land. Perhaps life is that easy though, and I just haven't given it the benefit of a doubt yet. Perhaps I'm right where I'm supposed to be right when I'm supposed to be there. Maybe that's all that life is: constantly being in the right place at the right time, whether that means having a good or bad day. Maybe we're all living in a slump of nostalgia instead of appreciating today as it comes our way. I'll try to live a little differently tomorrow. I'll try to feel like I'm doing what I'm meant to do in that moment. I think I forget to acknowledge each second as an equally irretrievable moment in my precious life. I think I forget to praise each second as a miracle. I think I should stop counting the seconds that tick down the time between classes, the time left on the treadmill, the time remaining at work, and inevitably, the time I have left to live my life. I think I'll start replacing the counting with breathing, and I think I'll stop speaking in "I think's" for a start, and just start doing.

The snow reminds me of picking up the Mission Ridge worker off the side of the road on my way up the hill to enjoy a day of skiing. I remember judging him when he told me he was a high school dropout, and I also remember immediately regretting that judgment as I spent the next ten minutes getting to know this stranger that would soon be exiting my life just as quickly as he had entered. This stranger was so insightful in his bitter contempt for society and it's norms. Without saying a condescending word at my expense, he taught me that I'm living by society's expectations, and for me to be truly happy with the person I am to become, I need to free myself of those expectations and just live. I must not live by my expectations; in fact, I should never live by any expectations. Instead, I should live by my capabilities. I must live to the extent that I cannot live any longer. That stranger told me that he was saving money so he could move to Alaska and simply live. He triggered my decision to travel after graduation, and until that day I will try not to continue school because it is expected of me, but rather because it's what I want to do, it's a task that I want to accomplish, and because it's truly where I'm supposed to be.

I ask you, are you living the life you dream of when you're tucked beneath your safety blanket of a comforter at night, or are you merely living up to the expectations of your life, and not your capabilities? Are you a college graduate who dreams of being a high school dropout living in Alaska? Are you working a 9-5 when you dream of exploring Europe, Africa, and Asia? Are you a parent wishing you were a student? Are you living down the street from your mother when you could be experiencing the bright lights of New York? If you're not where you're supposed to be, then go there, fast, so you can appreciate, cherish, and worship every second of this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity that is living. Don't count down the seconds when you could be experiencing a miracle.

There's my attempt at profoundness for the month. Take it or leave it.

Of Words and Demons

Today I went to a local, used bookstore and was pleasantly surprised! The man at the register, who I am assuming owns the store, was very friendly and helpful, and he offered free coffee, soda, and wi-fi. The store ALWAYS boasts a tempting deal of buy 2, get 1 free, on top of the very low prices. The atmosphere felt very warm and comforting. Good, soft music played in the background, creating a peaceful ambiance, and couches and desks were strewn about the fireplace, lamps, and endless, hand-labeled bookshelves. The books cluttered the desks and coffee tables in an oddly reassuring fashion, and everything felt and looked like an antique. The crinkled spines of the novels stared back at me from their resting places, sometimes even masking their titles behind the wear and tear of loving abuse. Peoples' hands had flipped those pages as the reader cried and laughed over the words printed on yellowing sheets. My stroll through the store was medicinal; therapeutic. I couldn't help but feel my heart rate slow to a comfortable pace after the stress of the day, and I felt myself at home as I wandered the narrow aisles in search of a friend; a book that I could hold in my hands for hours to come, easing away stress and loneliness. Fortunately, I found three.

I am now the proud owner of "The Exorcist" by William Peter Blatty, "The Widows' Adventures" by Charles Dickenson, and "The Watcher" by Charles MaClean..

I immediately delved into "The Exorcist," and I found myself very excited since I have never seen the movie. It instantly terrified me. Now I lay in my bed and contemplate possible evils. Horrifyingly enough, my computer just started making eerie noises as I type. I may have to end my blog now... I'm fearful that the demon has come to possess my laptop, and in turn, me. What is going on? The irony of this coincidence scares me to death! I heard the noise as soon as I typed "evil." It sounded like a cricket or a tapping and a slow wind. Possibly birds chirping from far away. I pulled my laptop to my ear and sure enough, the noise issued from the keyboard. No, I am not making this up. I exited out of all windows, hoping that some advertisement had popped up or I had left some audio running. Unfortunately, the sounds persisted until I began to type again. Has the demon from "The Exorcist" truly come to haunt me as I sleep? Will he shake my bed as he did Regan's? Or has my fear brought on hallucinations? I hope it's the latter...

On a lighter subject, I have already run across a list of words to add to my vocabulary. Here they are (more for myself than anyone else):

Inchoate: Not yet begun, completed, or fully developed. Something just beginning.

-In September, the school year is inchoate. or: The inchoate season of fall.-
Hopefully those sentences worked...

Presentiment: The feeling that something is going to happen, specifically something evil. A foreboding or ominous premonition.

-Presentiment lingered around the test I had to take. or: I felt a presentiment that I would fail the test on Monday.

Diffident: Unsure about one's capabilities; insecure; lacking confidence. Or shy, timid, reserved.

-When it comes to sports, she is very diffident. or: Her diffident personality makes a bad first impression, driving people away.

Somnolent: Sleepy, drowsy, tired. Or something that brings on sleep.

-I felt myself grow more and more somnolent through the lecture. or: The somnolent work day urged me to go home and take a nap.

Raconteur: A person good at telling stories, jokes, or anecdotes in a funny or intriguing way.

-Dane Cook was born a raconteur. or: My sister is the best raconteur! She tells the best stories, embellished as they may be at times.

Insurrections: Revolt or rebelliousness against a government or civil authority.

-The insurrection of the American colonists against the British government led to the independence of the USA. (Does that work?)

Verbiage: Wordiness. A large amount of words within a speech, paper, etc...

-My teacher took points off of my essay for verbiage. or: The verbiage of her speech was somnolent. ;)

Precipitous: Abrupt, sheer, steep, impassable.

-Many people claim that Mt. Everest is precipitous. or: Mountain goats prefer to live in precipitous regions.

Proffered: An proposal or an offering.
-My boss proffered me a raise. or: I proffer my condolences.

Adulation: To admire extremely. Adore. Excessive flattery.
-His adulation for her was almost disgusting. or: Many Christians boast of their adulation for God.

Promulgating: Publish, proclaim, announce to public.

-He might as well be promulgating his affair considering how often he goes out in public with that girl.

Circumlocutions: A roundabout way of saying something. Beating around the bush. Using too many words to explain something.

-The way he speaks is so circumlocutory. It takes me 10 minutes to know what he's talking about.

Why Poetry Matters...

I had to write two paragraphs in a discussion forum for my poetry class. One paragraph had to be about why I believe that poetry matters. The second paragraph was a summary about why Jay Parini believes that poetry matters from the information found in the preface of his book, Why Poetry Matters.

Why I think poetry matters?

Poetry matters for many different reasons, but two of them stick out to me the most. One of these reasons matters specifically to the poet, while the other is beneficial to the reader. As a poet, writing poetry can be like an escape; a release of all the burdens that a person may carry. A work of art is then created, which is a treasure to the reader. Someone who can read poetry and enjoy it earns the privilege of being able to experience someone else's emotions. It may invoke empathy in the reader, which seems to be a dwindling trait in today's electronic society. If nothing else, the poem becomes a piece of eye candy. It is something for people to look at, to read, and to simply enjoy. In my opinion, that's a treasure in it's own. It seems like there are so few things that are "simply enjoyed" without complications or consequences.

Parini's summary:

Part of Parini's love of poetry comes from his bitter disapproval of the chaotic world of television screens and iPods. Poetry actually demands something from its reader. It's an activity that isn't mindless, like so many other distraction this world has to offer. In part, that is why poetry matters to Parini. It also matters because it teaches people the ways of metaphor. Without metaphor, a person would be lost in the hubbub of sarcasm. With a knowledge of metaphor, that same person can begin making comparisons and understanding the world a little better. Poetry is also a doorway. With so many electronics, a person may lose touch of the real world that surrounds them. Poetry will lead that person back to nature, whether they seek it for inspiration or because they have already been inspired.

Here's an excerpt from a poem I read this morning. It's In Cabin'd Ships at Sea by Walt Whitman.

It is only the middle of the poem, supposedly spoken through the sailors' words, and the italicized section is Whitman's interjection. I just love how the rhythm of the poem matches the meaning of the words: undulating, pulsating, ebb and flow, endless motion, liquid flowing, melancholy rhythm.

Enjoy.

"Here are our thoughts, voyagers' thoughts,

Here not the land, firm land, alone appears, may then by them be said,

The sky o'earches here, we feel the undulating deck beneath our feet,

We feel the long pulsation, ebb and flow of endless motion,

The tones of unseen mystery, the vague and vast suggestion of the briny world, the liquid flowing syllables,

The perfume, the faint creaking of the cordage, the melancholy rhythm,

The boundless vista and the horizon far and dim are all here,

And this is ocean's poem."

A Poem

I am but a mere speck;

a speck upon a page of endless words

in a world of endless breaths;

a world where everyone is fighting for one last chance;

one last chance for meaning and depth.

When meaning fails us all,

what do we have left?

What denial will whisper words of strength?

Who will tell us to stand so tall

in a world where we stand so small?

My knowledge is all that I admire,

all that I desire,

now that my meaning has burned away

in all the endless fires.

Block Parties and Bonfires

So far, I love college! Everything has been going great. My roommates are very fun and easy to get along with, and they're very social people with lots of friends to introduce me to. Jordan cooks food for me constantly and Matt deals with my handy work.

Day 1: I set up my room, got in touch with Canada to show him my house and see his dorm, picked up a microwave, and watched TV with Matt, Jordan, Brett, and Paul. (All friends of Matt and Jordan.)

Day 2: Went grocery shopping with Jordan, went to the football game with Canada and his friends, watched Ninja Warrior marathon with Jordan, played tennis with Canada, and had a party at our place with the neighbors. We had 2 other houses come over. 1015B came, which included Ashlene, Chris, and Mike. And 1017B, which included Matt (a diff Matt), Patrick, and Cody. We also had Eddy and Ledy over, a very fun couple, and Matt's friend Jason. It was a very fun night. :)

Day 3: Watched football with Matt, Jordan, Matt, Patrick, and Cody, went to lunch with Canada's family and Molly, played Guitar Hero at my house with Jordan, Canada, and Molly, and then went to a party and Eddy and Ledy's. There, we watched more food, ate authentic Mexican food that Ledy cooked, and sat around a bonfire in the backyard. Matt, Jordan, Jason and his fiance, Brett, Paul, and Nick were there. Afterwards, Jordan and I picked up Hot Tub Time Machine and watched it with Matt tonight.

Tomorrow: I plan on picking up my textbooks with Molly and Canada and hopefully I can get in touch with Bailey and I can hang out with her. I have a tennis practice from 2-5 with the sports team, and the guys plan on having people over for Monday night football. SO MUCH FOOTBALL! But it's fun. :)

Campus is beautiful and I love all my new friends I'm making.